The Paper Pregnancy: Pregnancy vs. Adoption

I suppose "versus" is inaccurate because you can choose both (sometimes). As we go through the adoption process, I am often struck by the many similarities as well as the differences.

Similarities:

• Waiting! There is lots of waiting involved with both. With pregnancy, it was waiting in doctor's offices, waiting to go into labor, waiting for test results. With adopting, it's waiting to find out who will be my son and then waiting to travel.
• Fear of the unknown. This is true of both having a biological child and adopting. What am I going to get? What will he look like? Will she have any medical issues? Will she eat? Will he sleep? Will he be a Cubs fan? I actually think I am worrying less about the adoption because I already have a child. I now know for sure that God has a sense of humor (please don't give me another kid who doesn't sleep!!) and that you can't possibly prepare for the wonderful surprises in personality that are sure to come.
• Other People's Opinions. Folks felt very comfortable (too comfortable in my opinion) telling me horrid labor and delivery stories, touching my stomach, telling me what I should eat and not eat. When people find out we are adopting, they always know someone who . . .adopted from China, adopted from Nepal, has a child who has a friend who is from Cambodia. It's very sweet really how people relate your story to their own framework of knowledge. And it is way better than hearing labor and delivery stories.
• Costs. We are often asked how we can afford adoption. When I think about how much money I spent getting ready for Grace-all of the maternity clothes, baby gear, co-pays, etc. The adoption may turn out to be cheaper!

Differences:

• No Physical Pain. This is a good one. In fact, it might just put adoption over the top in my book. Even though the plane ride is something like 30 hours, it can't compare to 30 hours of labor. (Plus we are flying first class. What would first class be like in labor and delivery? An immediate epidural?) Jet lag can't be worse than post-partum-I will spare you the details. And if you gain weight while adopting, you have no one to blame but yourself.
• You can forget about the baby. When I was pregnant, the thought of the baby was omnipresent, obviously because she actually was omnipresent. Now, I can forget about the adoption for whole minutes at a time. This has made me slightly less obsessive about it.
• The community of adoptive parents is more welcoming and opens than just biological parents. After I had Grace, I found many Moms' groups to be places of comparison and judgment. Did you take pain medication during labor? Did you breastfeed for the recommended 12 months? Is your child walking, talking, potty trained? UGH! It's agonizing. For the most part, adoptive parents are very welcoming and inclusive, always willing to share stories, tips, hardships, etc.
• No bureaucracy with a biological child. We have had criminal background checks, home study visits, fingerprinting, income verification and all kinds of other "checking up on us" for the adoption. No one cared with Grace. There have been lots of hoops to jump through. In a way it has been good because it has kept me busy and focused. Every time you fill out another form, you are reaffirming the decision to adopt. Because it's not like getting pregnant, you have to choose to continue the process and you can back out at any time.